WA-06

“Anam Cara – Friend of the Soul”
by Jay Whitham & Wendy Nethersole

One of the beautiful mysteries of life is that the events and situations that appear as our most difficult challenges contain the seeds of our greatest blessings and deep fulfillment. And so it was that in early 1999, after experiencing dramatic changes in business and career activities that had been both stable and lucrative for many years, we would find ourselves searching for the seeds within the challenges. Many lessons were presented and profound insights gained through that search.

As is so often the case, there were questions. At the top of the list was “the big one” - “What is my true purpose for being in this life?” As a couple, we also wanted to know how our life’s purpose as individuals related to one another, and what that meant to our relationship. The quest for these answers was, in itself, one of the greatest blessings we could hope to receive.

When the familiar dissolves into chaos, we are faced with a choice in our response. We can choose to see something that needs us “to fix it”, and focus our energy and effort on trying to take action. Alternatively, we can choose to allow something new and original to emerge by placing our focus on “being” rather than “doing”. The hard part is letting go of our need to believe that we are in control, and trust that Spirit has a bigger vision for us than we can see. When we are fearful, stressed, anxious, and confused, it is not easy to rest in the void, the proverbial “dark night of the soul”, and wait for the answers.

In our life, we are blessed with many wise and wonderful friends, loving family, and a strong, committed, deeply loving relationship. Drawing on the strength of our support, we immersed ourselves in an ever-deepening journey into the sources of Universal Truth and spiritual practice that had been our focus for many years. As we followed the path toward the answers that we sought, and moved through the fear that often threatened to overwhelm us, something shifted. We began to see that the challenge we were facing is the same challenge faced by everyone in different ways, and at different times in their life. Our studies and interactions with various people who have explored parts of this vast territory began to show us glimpses of our purpose. The growing synchronicity in our lives drew the people and events to us that were perfectly suited to help us find our way. The mist began to clear, the fear was replaced with faith and trust, and excitement mixed with creative vision started to emerge.

As we shared our experience with others, we kept getting the same general response – “I wish I knew what I really wanted, what my true purpose is, and how to bring that into my life”. We were encouraged to share our process and experience with people who were facing major life changes, dissatisfaction, lack of clarity and direction; people who sought happiness and fulfillment, but found it elusive and were frustrated as a result. As we shared, we knew with powerful resonance that helping people come to know their authentic self; and find, and live their life purpose, is our life purpose.

In 2000, we created The Anam Cara Foundation as a vehicle for expression of our life purpose. Anam Cara is a Celtic phrase meaning “soul friend”, and reflects our belief that to experience life at the highest levels of fulfillment we must first be our own “soul friend”. The relationship with our own soul, our true and authentic self, establishes the capacity for "soul friendships” with others. A world filled with those who know the truth of “who they truly are”, expressing their unique God given gifts as their life purpose, is a world that knows only peace.

This is the underlying principle that infuses all that we do through Anam Cara in our workshops, classes, and personal spiritual guidance for individuals, couples, families, and groups. In essence, we believe that we must first get clear about “who we really are”; come to know our “authentic self”; become a “friend to our own soul”. Only from that place of authentic self can we discover our true purpose. Our purpose is not about “doing”; it is always about “being”. It is who we are, not what we do, that brings us the fulfillment that calls to us from deep within. When we bring our “true” self together with our passions, talents, skills, and creativity, we find that there are unlimited ways to take action that allow us to remain aligned with our truth. We are then freed from the concept that it is the action that fulfills us. How liberating, how exciting, how comforting it is to know that no matter how the situations in our life may change; no matter how the things we do transform from one to another, our happiness, fulfillment, and power to bring our special gifts to the world are not affected.

God gives every one of us a unique gift that only we can bring to the world. No person’s gift is better or more meaningful than anyone else’s gift, because the gift is God’s, given to us in Trust for the world, with the intention that we give it away. It is only when our gift is not being shared that life seems not to work. As we each learn, experience, and grow in our own lives, and as others share their experiences with us, we are blessed with more to give each day and the good in our life increases.

In the book that inspired our foundation’s name, “Anam Cara”, John O’Donahue writes, “Human presence is a creative and turbulent sacrament, a visible sign of invisible grace. Nowhere else is there such intimate and frightening access to the mysterium. Friendship is the sweet grace that liberates us to approach, recognize, and inhabit this adventure.” As we inhabit the adventure of life, as we come to know the truth of our being, we find ourselves blessed, again and again, with friendship – the friendship of the soul – the Anam Cara.